I Miss Riding A Virgin


Whats the best way to travel from Aberdeen to London?

I used to love travelling from Aberdeen to London Heathrow on the Virgin “Little Red” service and I have to say as far as flying goes it was a very pleasant experience. It’s such a shame they have since stopped the service.

Here’s what happened on one of my  journeys…

During check in I got asked if I wanted an aisle or window seat and even though I’m not a great flyer I have to be next to the window. I then got asked if I’d like to be near the emergency exit and if so I’d get extra leg room. Hmmm, emergency exit, I thought? More work if the shit hits the fan for me that would mean. After thinking about it I opted for the extra leg room thinking the likelihood of having to do anything extra wasn’t very high.

Boarding was pain free, I got to my seat without being bashed or without bashing anyone else and it turned out there was an empty seat in between me and the other man in the row – bonus!

Almost as soon as I sat down the flight attendant told me to make myself aware of my “extra duties” as I was next to the emergency exit. Yeah, yeah I thought I’ll study that later as there doesn’t appear to be any in flight magazines ahem, ahem!

All the crew kept referring to the overhead lockers as bins which is terminology I don’t like. “Careful as stuff may fall from the bins and hit other passengers” they say. That just makes me think of them as overhead garbage bins and then having shitloads of garbage falling onto my head – just say lockers please.

Take off was fine and I’m much better with this than I used to be because I know what’s coming up very, very soon. Now, some people may have another interpretation of what this means…

I don’t think “ah ok, it’s safe to take off my seatbelt now and maybe stretch my legs” NO! I think “get the drinks trolley out bitches” and “hats off, aprons on – it’s wine time!” This is even better when it’s not first thing in the morning and you don’t have to pay for it so today was my lucky day because it was 6pm and it was free!

I was in the middle of the plane so I pretty much worked out I would be last as they were working up the aisles from both ends. I did manage to spot that as well as a free drink there was also some crisps or a cookie – result! As the cabin crew got to the person in front of me and asked what they wanted, when they said nothing I almost screamed out loud. Sorry? It’s for free! Excuse me flight attendant lady can I please have their share? Even the attendant said “oh go on, it’s free” and they eventually took something. Crazy bastards!

My turn, my turn! “Glass of white wine please” I said. “Would you like an ice cube in it” she asked. Fuck no, water down the alcohol why on earth would I want to do that, I thought. “No thank you”, I said and she served it to me and then turned away. Where’s my crisps, lady? You asked everyone else if they wanted crisps or a cookie – ask me, ask me! She didn’t ask. No, but she did give me the crisps so sod the question I didn’t want a fucking cookie anyway!

That was me pretty much set up for the next half hour so the attendant then asked the man next to me what he wanted. I was a little bit scared of him when I first sat down as he had a skinhead and horrible neck tattoos. It’s true that you should never judge a book by its cover because as it turns out he ordered a cup of tea and had been playing Candy Crush for most of the flight.

As I sat there drinking my wine and eating my crisps I pondered a few things…

The crisps were a special pack of Tyrrells for Virgin Little Red and called “plane” flavour which although initially made me smile it then made me think that well, they’re not “plain” at all, they are actually lightly salted and I started to wonder what real plain crisps might taste like…

I looked at the emergency exit instruction leaflet and the possible job I might have to do and then I realised that the photos actually looked more like a man sitting on a toilet trying to escape out the window but not having quite “nipped it off” yet so I wanted to take a photo of it. I quickly decided against that as I was unsure as to whether my phone might have the flash setting on and that could have been a big problem! Here’s something similar…

Wine finished, crisps eaten and I see the lady coming again expecting her to be collecting rubbish – but no! She was giving out more stuff and from what I could see it looked like little packets of Love Hearts. Far from being my favourite sweet in the world although I could practically taste the chalky goodness fizzing in the back of my mouth already. “Some sweets, sir?” Too right! Ironically, the man beside me looked up from playing Candy Crush and declined the offer. I, on the other hand, got bored of eating them one by one and put them all in at once and pretty much ended up foaming at the mouth like I had rabies. Good times!

Soon enough it was almost time to land and I actually enjoyed the descent.

The usual thing happened when it’s safe to get up – everyone gets up, struggles over everyone else to get their bags down and end up standing in uncomfortable positions for 5 minutes until the doors open anyway. Will people never learn? I always sit and relax for that extra time and then doors open, bag out and I’m off without any hassle.

All in all it was a great experience! Thank you Virgin – travelling EasyJet is just not the same!

On another note, I have to say Virgin’s recent take on the “safety demonstrations” was awesome…

What about you? What was your last travel experience like? Let me know, I’d love to hear. Leave me a comment below or tweet me @SteveSays2014

11 thoughts on “I Miss Riding A Virgin

  1. I used to hate the women on their own with loud babies. Then I traveled on my own with my two babies. Now I just shut up. Air New Zealand have some really cool instruction videos – they’ve used the All Blacks, Peter Jackson and the Hobbits and I think they have just had some bikini girls or something like that. Their ads are becoming famous.

    Just a few. Check them out on YouTube.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to love flying…but, after Europe’s Eurorail, etc., it’s such a grueling ordeal. I’ll take the slow road whenever possible, in the future! 🙂 I, too, usually wait until the plane clears out before leaving.

    Liked by 1 person


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