A Shower Of Shite: My Toiletries Have Gone Mad!

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What makes you moan?

Here are is one of my moans…

It’s a fact of life that we all need to wash if we want to stay clean but it’s came to the point that I sometimes smell worse when I come out of the shower than I did when I got in and this needs to stop!

What do I mean by this?

We are in an age of too much choice and too many fancy new concoctions when it comes to toiletries.

A prime example would be an experience that happened to me recently when I took my morning shower. As I went for the shower gel, I noticed it was “Plum & Blackcurrant” and thought to myself that this wasn’t going to end well.

After applying the shower gel and since I brush my teeth in the shower too I then noticed that we were out of toothpaste and the only thing I could get my hand on was a novelty christmas gift…

I shit you not – I got out of the shower and didn’t know whether to go spread myself on a scone and eat me with afternoon tea or put my clothes on! I smelled of jam and cake – this is not good!

It made me think of some of the other “flavours” of shower gel I have been subjected to over the past few years…

Funfair – why I would want to smell like candy floss and diesel I do not know.

Chocolate & Mint – using this looked liked my arse had collapsed while I was in the shower.

Anything Menthol or Minty – makes me feel like I’m going to faint and is also not good for sensitive area!

Anything Apple/Pine – smells like I’m washing myself with toilet duck.

The same goes for toothpaste – why on earth would I want to have the taste of baking soda in my mouth? Once again – Steve is not a cake!

While we are at it it – an anti-perspirants main job is to stop me perspiring and should just have a slight hint of chemical smells – not Africa! Also – what the actual fuck is a “manwasher“?

Don’t get me wrong, I like to smell nice but that’s what my aftershaves are for – the showering should be simple and allow me to concentrate on my shower thoughts rather than worry about coming out of the cubicle and being entered into the church fete’s baking competition.

On the other hand I do enjoy a Sunday evening bath with relaxing bubble bath. I usually have three bottles of Radox – one for stress, one for muscles and one for relaxation. I tip them all in at once so it’s three for one right? It does make pretty colours too! I tried a bath bomb once, a rose petal one, and never again. I’m not sure this is true of all bath bombs or it was just the fact that I bought it from Poundland but I got out that bath and let’s just say I was finding little bits of “rose petal” in places there really should not be petals!

I quite like face-packs too which are good for the skin even although I end up looking like one of three people when wearing them – Al Jolson, A Geisha Girl or an Avatar…

What’s my solution to this problem then?

I remember when there was less choice and that’s how I liked it so I am going back to basics!


Don’t try and tell me that you can’t smell this just by looking at the photo

Imperial Leather

Grannies had the smarts!


Minty, fresh, that’s it!


The simple sponge - no strings attached!
The simple sponge – no strings attached!

Mr Matey

The best bubble bath ever!

Who’s with me? What do you think? Share your shower/bathing products thoughts with me in the comments below or tweet me @MrMcSteveface

5 thoughts on “A Shower Of Shite: My Toiletries Have Gone Mad!

    1. It quite clearly says on the bottles not to get it in your eyes or swallow. If you do swallow it you should include vomitting, drink milk and consult a doctor if required. Ahhhhh remember the days of reading shampoo bottles in the loo rather than our phones hahah

      Liked by 1 person


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